AGAIN
by outsiders-stories-forever
Summary: No! I cannot fucking keep calm. They are dead and I cannot keep them calm. They were all I had, and now they are gone. Will he be able to rise from his ashes and continue living his life without a part of it? Two - Bit centered fic.
1. Chapter 1

Tulsa, Oklahoma, 735 N. St. Louis Ave. A young man is standing by the phone, hoping that what he had just  
been told was not really that bad. Without hesitating and still in a haze, he grabs the key cars, turns on the  
engine of his dusty old car and starts driving. What if when he comes back anything is longer the same? No. He  
just couldn't think about that, he had to wait and see it for himself. The woman from whom he had received the call had just told him the essential.

He arrived sooner than expected. It normally took him 10 minutes to get there, but today he got there in a rush. The rest of the gang followed on another car. They had insisted on going, and even tried to take me there, but surely there were going to be some tough and strenuous hours and I didn't want to keep them all night long.  
Almost two years ago we were mourning the deaths of Johnny and Dallas, and now three people could be dying.  
Again. No rest. It's like some kind of ritual or what? First the Curtis parents, then our buddies and now a car  
accident. Again. Grief, funerals, depression, the feeling of going nowhere… again. Before I expect the hospital  
comes in sight. I cut the engine, get outta the car, enter the hospital and once I have asked the receptionist  
where should I wait and if she knew anything, I go to the ER and collapse in a chair. Sodapop looks at me  
worried but doesn't say anything. Instead he sits next to me with Pony on his other side, Darry and Steve just  
standing still, with their hands in their pockets, looking at a poster that hangs on the wall. While we waited, I  
thought about the day we married, when I told my mum that she was going to have a grandchild or the sight of  
my sister in my wedding.

Cathy is 8 months pregnant, 32 weeks carrying our baby and now it could be all  
thrown away because of a drunk driver. We were going to call her Hope, as we knew that she was on the way  
on the first death anniversary of Johnny and Dallas. After some hard months, it looked like everything was  
gonna be alright. I got married, my wife got pregnant, the Curtises and the State were in good terms, my mom  
got another job and life was finally giving us a break. Too optimistic right? I know. Life can really be an asshole  
sometimes. I'm not ready to go through everything again. I can't see myself without them. They are all my  
family, they have helped me get through some tough moments. Darry stayed with me when my dad run away,  
Soda comforted me when Dallas and Johnny died and Steve and Ponyboy have always been there. To have a  
drink, to go to the movies or to watch TV. I thank God for having them. I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder,  
and as I turned around Darry was looking at me, asking if I was okay, if I wanted to go outside for a bit.  
Apparently, I was crying. I just shrugged and he let it go, understanding what I was going through. Not knowing what is happening is even worse than knowing it, because at the same time you are hopeless and hopeful. Pessimistic and optimistic. Your brain is filled with bloody and scary views of the ones you love. At the same time I didn't want to know the news jus yet, it's like if you don't know the truth, you can keep lying to your inner self. Even if you know what is going to happen, you keep it to yourself, no matter how much it hurts, because that way you can pretend that nothing has happened for a little bit longer.

The hours passed, and we still didn't know anything. Steve got us some drinks and food, but I wasn't hungry. It didn't seem ethical to me to drink and eat as if nothing was happening. Doctors and nurses inside the operation room kept going out and in the room, none of them answering my questions. At one point I started to shout at them, but Steve and Darry managed to hold me back. 'It's not worth it Man', they told me. I knew that, I knew that I was needed here, and with my behavior I could end up being hauled in for attacking the medical staff. I didn't want that, but doubt was killing me. Not so long after my breakdown a doctor started to walk towards us.

He had blood all over his gown. The blood of the ones I loved. All of us stepped forward so we could be face to face.  
"Well?"  
" Your mother was hit on the side and we thought that we could save her, but as we were operating she had a heart attack and there was nothing left to do. Regarding your sister, as she was behind the driver's sit had serious brain damage and internal bleeding. She wouldn't have recovered even if she had survived. Think that she would have suffered a lot of pain if she had survived"  
"Now, about Mrs Cathy... ¿do you want to sit down? "  
"I want to know what the hell happened, so please speak"  
"Alright then. She and the baby syffered all the impact. Your wife was barely conscious when she got there. She wouldn't hace survived either way, but she told the nurses to save her daughter over her. Your daughter is alive. We don't know if she'll survive. It would be a miracle. I'm not going to give you false hope after what you've been through, but if she survives... If she survives it means that her mother, aunt and grandmother are taking good care of her. She's got some good souls up there looking after her. I know this is hard for you to understand, but you should be grateful. Not many babies survive after a car accident. You can see her, she is in NICU, but I advice you that the sight might be hard for you. I'm sorry son. You have a few minutes with her now, and I'll make sure that a nurse keeps you informed through the night."

" Could you please tell the nurses the name of my daughter?"  
"We don't recommend giving babies a name when they are fighting for their lifes. It will be more painful."  
"I want her to be called by the name her mother and I chose"  
"Alright then. Fill these forms" He called the woman behind the desk who brought me some papers and a pen. "If you need anything call a nurse. I'm sorry"  
With the papers already in my hands and feeling dizzy, sick and on the edge, I sat down on a chair, ready to give my daughter the dignity she deserved.  
Hope. That's all I have left.


	2. Note

I'll continue posting soon. I just went through some tough times, but hopefully I'll continue writing soon. I'm going to post a new chapter in my other story if you want to read it. It's a series of one shots. Thank you for your reviews!


	3. Chapter 2

**Thanks y'all for your support, it really means a lot to me. I'll try to update as fast as possible now that I have time, but I have more stories here if you want to check them. If you have any suggestions please dm me. Likewise, if you want me to change anything, tell me, and I'll try to change it adapting it to my ideas. By the way, pardon the mistakes, but if I correct them I can't post them so fast. **

_Chapter_ _2_

"Hope? Hey girly girl I'm your daddy. Oh yeah, you're probably wondering who these guys are. They may seem tough and angry but they are just worried about you. They're your uncles. Well, not technically, but they will make sure that nothing happens to you. Your mam..your mama s..shh..she, she won't be there when you grow up but I'll... I'll try my best. Fuck. You know what, I'll never be able to take care of you, I'm just a worthless drank man... Sorry Hope" I then started running till I came face to face to a wall, falling to the ground.

The next thing I know I'm hugging Sodapop like I hugged Kathy, sobbing uncontrollably, remembering everything that I've lost today. Hell, not even today. _Tonight._ 12, 6, even 5 hours ago my life was perfect. Well as perfect as you can expect it to be when you live in a neighborhood where kids learn to live the way others despise.

We both swore that we wouldn't raise our daughter that way. Now, it's no longer _US_. It's me. And that being optimistic, cause I don't even have the certainty of bringing my daughter home. It would be a miracle they said. She's a miracle. She's my last hope. In her is my last chance of raising a family, of pursuing the wishes that hours ago were my reality. We had been waiting for our daughter for some weeks, being she almost full term. Now our dreams have vanished as the 3 most important women in my life are no longer amongst us. If Hope dies, then all my hope will be gone. Everything will be gone forever.

"Why?"

"Huh buddy? Whatcha saying?" - I hadn't realized that my previous question had been heard by my friends.

"Why? Why everything happens to us?" - I got to say before more tears started to fall.

"Listen Two Bit, you now feel like your world has turned upside down, just like 2 years ago, but you'll pull through because you have Hope and you have us" - he cups my face and forces me to look at him. Soda has this look on his eyes that makes you feel cared whenever you need it. He then says - "We'll always be there for ya, okay buddy?"

"I don't need anyone" - I did, but at that moment I was too stubborn and blind to recognize what I was feeling. It was easier to deny any kind of help than dealing with it. It was too hard. - "Is my daughter who needs a real father and a caring mother, not me. I won't do her any good."

"You do need someone, you need Cathy Two Bit, and we understand that. You're suffering whether you admit it or not. Just look at yourself, you're a mess and we wouldn't expect it to be other way, but don't deny it. You won't be judged, you won't be less man for crying." - Soda said softly

"Man, I don't know what I would have done if I were you, I would probably have run away. I would have spent the night drinking my sorrows, and yes I would have come back for her but you were and are much braver than me. You stayed here and gave your daughter the name she deserves as a human being. You were brave enough to see her and make her your priority after one hell of a night. Soda said it. You need us, if not for support to remind you who you are, where do you belong to, what you have done for the others." And with that speech Steve came and hugged me, freeing me from Soda's comfort for a moment. When only the two of us could hear it he said "And besides, who would tell her what her daddy did before she came if not us, huh?" He grinned, and above I knew that I was lucky to have them.

"Here, I got you an ice pack for that nose Two Bit" - Darry told me as I slowly got up, swaying and grabbing him for support, the events of the night hitting me like a ton of bricks. - "Easy, I got you buddy" As he led me to a chair I stopped him, not feeling too hot all of a sudden.

"Buddy? What is it?" I fell my head spinning and my stomach lurching and I knew what was about to happen.

"I don't feel good. I'm gonna be sick" - The following minutes passed in a blur, as I felt Darry's strong arms half carrying me and sitting me in a chair. Just in time a bucket was placed near my lips, allowing me to empty my stomach. I hadn't eaten in a while so I just started dry heaving before breaking down again.

"Shhh, calm down, just breathe through it, okay? Try to breath easy and slow Two Bit." - Everyone was now watching me, and as Soda realized this he frantically looked for a nurse, while Darry tried to make me feel better. "You'll relax soon, just breathe come on" However I couldn't bear with it anymore, and as I stopped throwing up I began to hyperventilate. What I saw before drifting off to sleep was the gang's concerned looks and a nurse sticking me with a needle.

"No... no I... my daugh... she... make sure she..."

"She'll be fine buddy, one of us will take care of it. Now rest." Darry whispered, stroking my hair as I was placed on a stretcher. I didn't know what they drugged me with but it sure was good cause I felt completely numb and it allowed me to recall every beautiful moment I lived with Cathy and my family. I didn't know whether it was real or not, but it sure felt like it and after living the hardest moments of my life I was able to see myself smiling, sitting next to Cathy, placing my hand on her belly, feeling the kicks of our daughter that would soon arrive to lighten up our lives.

As that memory fade away another one came to my mind. Therein my mother and my sister were cooking the cake for Hope's baby shower. They were all smiles, and I could hear their laughs as I suddenly came into the room and threw one spoon full of frosting to them, earning a reprimand from my mother who couldn't hold back her laugh while doing so. Before the pill kicked in I was able to recall one last memory. Therein, the gang and I were picking up everything that Kathy had requested. At that moment she had been sick with a nasty cold but didn't want any longer to prepare Hope's room so it was up to me to by everything. The paint for the walls, the crib, her clothes, toys and a wardrobe.

We were all choosing the most beautiful things we could think of, cause that was for my daughter and she deserved the best. That's why I didn't want to be her father when I knew that my wife had died, cause a high percentage of everything that I loved had then vanished and then what would she have? I wasn't good enough for her but I had made a promise to myself when I knew that I was going to become a father.

I would give her everything that I had. And now, there were just two things left . As I wasn't sure that I could give her my love anymore, I mentally promised her the next best thing. Her uncles' love. The gang's love. My brothers' love.


	4. Hold tight

**Here's another new chapter. Hope you like it! Sorry for the mistakes. **

Chapter 3

"Your daddy is still a bit shocked little one, but it's just because he became a father unexpectedly. You weren't supposed to arrive so early and without a mother. See, he thought that he would share you with your mama, but she's gone, along with your aunt and grandma. You need to give him time. But hey, you still have us. We're all going to take good care of you until your father is ready. He loves you, he's just too hurt to know what he's feeling or how he can deal with his feelings".

"What can we do Darry? We need to do something" - a soft and concerned voice answered.

"We can't force Two Bit Pony. We'll be there, but we don't do him any good by telling him what to do. "

"I don't know what to do anymore" - I say, choking on my words, trying not to break down again. I had been hearing their chat for a while, but I had remained silent until I just couldn't hold it anymore. I was lost, completely lost, and I strongly doubted that I would pull through this. Everyone in the room looked at me, and suddenly I was aware of the little bundle being rocked by Darry's strong arms. Hope.

"We didn't know you were awake" - Steve says.

"Well, I have been so for some time now, I just didn't want to talk" - I was being rude, and I knew it, but it was either being mean or a bawl - baby - "What happened?"

"The nurses gave you a sedative. You were freaking out" - Darry answers - "How are you feeling?"

"I don't know— numb"

"Listen Two Bit, Hope's doing much better, that's why they allowed her to be brought here. They though that you could hold her."

" Why isn't Kathy here?"

"Shit" - Steve curses. Darry places Hope in Soda's arms, who gladly takes her, and then comes over to my bed. He sits down and stays silent for a minute. Then, he speaks.

"You know where she is. She's gone buddy" - he softly explains.

"She's really gone? - I inquire, looking at Darry's eyes, no longer cold blue.

"Yeah, but we're here" - he assures me.

"And you can count on us. What's going on Two Bit?" - Ponyboy questions.

" I don't even know"

"Yes, you do, you're just too scared to tell us, you're afraid, but you don't have to be afraid alone" - he answers.

"What do you think you know about how I feel?" - I say, desperately trying to hold back my tears. Darry tries to stop Ponyboy, but he shakes his head. He approaches me from the other side.

"You forgot that I lost my parents and my friends two years ago? That I also have experienced grief? - he spats. I stay quiet. He realizes that, and uses that opportunity to sit next to me and hold my hand. - "Talk to us. Share your feelings. You'll feel a lot better. I promise" - The others stay where they are, not wanting to interfere Pony.

" I miss them" - I shyly admit,

"We know it buddy" - whispers Steve, walking towards my bed.

"Hope needs me, but I don't know what to do. I wasn't supposed to do this alone."

"You are wrong. You're not alone, we're all here, and Hope too. You couldn't be further away from loneliness" Ponyboy states.

"But Kathy is not with me, she's the one that kept me from being lonely at home" Darry put his arms around my shoulder and Pony looks at me with sad eyes.

"You forget that Hope's her daughter. You can see your wife in your daughter. She has her eyes. You missed when she was awake, but she looks just like her momma."

"Really?"

"Yeah buddy. She's the living image of Kathy" - Steve confirms.

"Look buddy, I'm sorry to change the subject so abruptly, and believe me if I say that I tried to put it off until you were ready and then I organized everything they let me, but the hospital needs you to sign some papers so the funeral home can arrange the funeral" The tears that I had managed to held back, fall now down my cheeks, refusing to stop.

"C'mon Dar. Now? Really?" - Pony recriminates.

"Don't blame Darry Pony. He tried to do it himself, but the hospital wouldn't let him" - Soda says.

"It's okay. It's just..." - I try to explain

"Hard" - Darry finishes for me - " I know" - Darry put his arms around my shoulder and Pony looks at me with sad eyes - " But the sooner you sign them, the sooner you'll start to heal.

" I still have the funeral, and besides" - I stop to catch my breath - "I'll never forget them"

"I didn't meant it that way. What I was trying to tell you is that when you sign them, that will be the last thing you'll have to do alone. You'll have us the rest of the way. If you need to stay the first weeks with us, you can. If you need us to give you a hand, we'll do it. Several months will need to go by before you don't start crying when you hear her name, and you'll never forget her, but the strength of the pain will slowly weaken. And you'll be stronger, because you'll realize the beauty of taking care of someone you love" As if she new that she was the one loved, Hope started to cry and Soda began to rock her back and forth.

"Do you want to hold her?" - He asked

"C'mon buddy" - Steve encouraged - "She wants her daddy"

"I'll try" - I accept. Soda gets up carefully and then places the little one on my arms, who squirms uncomfortably.

"It's okay, she's just a bit uneasy. You need to know each other. But she's in the best place she could be. With her daddy and uncles near her and with three angels watching her" - Soda soothes me.

"You know what Hope? - I ask her as I look proudly at my friends and his smiles as they look at me - "I think we'll be alright"

**Thank you for everything! Two Bit finally held his daughter! It doesn't mean that everything will be alright though. On the next chapter, the funeral will be held and on the next chapters we'll see if Two Bit is really capable of not breaking down. **

**Dm me if you want something specific to happen and I'll try to adapt it within the story **


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